You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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