i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
