If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
