I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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