living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
