On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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