We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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