I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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