At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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