A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
