I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
