we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
