I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
