I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
