I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
