i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
