i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
