ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
