the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
