Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
