So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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