yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just gargled with NyQuil
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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