Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
