have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
