you win again, gameday.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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