There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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