can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
and you fell through a lawn chair
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
