party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
