i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
