NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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