i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
