things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
