I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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