I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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