she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i dont even know how to be here
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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