She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
