I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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