Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
