i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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