Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
