Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
