He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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