Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
