I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
