Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
