I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
