when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
