Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
