My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
