Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
