I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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