I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
